Three Years
by S2MoonFairy
Summary: I've loved him for three years. He doesn't know I exist. How does all that change? Toshiro POV. Tiny bit of swearing. Strange summary. First fic. Might have rated a bit higher than necessary.


Odd look into Toshiro's thoughts if he were a high school student. Wrote it over 2 days and various mood changes so yeah. Hope you like it!

I don't own any of the characters, except maybe the kid...but not really. Oh well.

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><p>I can't believe it's been three years and I still get this annoying light-headed feeling when he smiles. Yeah, the whole butterflies-in-stomach, knees-like-jelly, inability-to-form-complete-sentences thing. I hate him for it. Absolutely HATE him. And from what I can tell, he's far from returning my feelings. The mushy ones. I'm pretty sure he hates me. Okay, maybe he doesn't hate me. But that's just because he doesn't know I exist. I'm sure he'd hate me, just like the rest of our grade does, given the chance. I've given them good reason to. I'm a year younger than all of them and still manage to get better grades. I'm short too. Like, crazy short. I'm sure that he's at least a head taller than I am, if not more. And I've got white hair. This makes me stick out like a sore thumb all over again. Let's not even mention my social skills, or lack thereof. Oh, and to top it all off, I've fallen for a guy. So now I'm gay too. Whoop di Doo.<p>

He on the other hand, is amazing. He's tall and athletic. He's increadibly popular. So popular that he could walk around all day in the most ridiculous looking tracksuit ever and still maintain his popularity. He's got bright orange hair and can strike up a conversation with just about anybody. He was the best guy out there. Why did I have to fall in love with him?

For the three years I've been in love with him, not once has fate placed us in the same class. He's never even looked in my direction before. That is until he walked in on my, uhm, lesson? See, there are these guys at our school who seriously hate me. More than most people do. They teach me a "lesson" at least once a week. This normally happens behind the school building and generally involves fists and sometimes dirty dish water. I gave up on caring last year. I take it as it comes. You could say I'd built up an immunity to it. I barely even bruise anymore. But this particular Friday, I knew he was there even before he made his presence known to my attackers. I saw his hair. It was like a ray of sunshine in this drab moment. I figured he was there to join in on the "fun". I didn't mind. At least he'd notice me now, no matter how twisted that was. I had resigned myself to getting beaten up by the love of my life. Until he spoke.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked, totally nonchalantly. Like he was ordering pizza.

"Yo! Ichigo. We is teaching dis kid a lesson." One of them replied, and then they wonder why I do better than them.

"Wanna join in?" Another asked.

"Sure." I wasn't surprised. A bit hurt, but not surprised. By now though, I was starting to hurt all over and was hoping it would be over soon.

His next action left me bewildered and totally confused. He backhanded one of the guys. The biggest one. He went crashing into the wall. I think he broke his nose. "I'll ask again" Ichigo said "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I must say, the shocked faces watching him were rather hilarious. I found myself trying to hold back a giggle. Until he grabbed the other two guys and smashed their heads together like in the movies. I was utterly dumbfounded. I felt my jaw slacken and my eyes must have been the size of saucepans. They didn't pass out or anything ridiculous like that. Instead they gathered the shriveled pride they had left and dragged the guy with the broken nose away bellowing the clichéd "You'll pay for this!" over their shoulders.

Ichigo stayed there with me, staring at his shoes. He seemed to be shaking.

Eventually he looked up at me and his eyes showed concern. I didn't know what to make of it. Could that emotion really be directed at me?

"Hey, you okay?" he asked. I couldn't believe it. My heart was dancing around in my chest and I doubted I'd be able to stand even if I tried. I was melting. There's no other word for it. To make it all worse (or better – depends how you look at it) he walked towards me and knelt in front of me. "Where does it hurt?"

"Uh – I'm okay. I'm used to this. I'll be bruised a bit but that's nothing new." He looked hurt.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Not long. It started at the end of last year. I'm okay, really." I tried to give a semi-reassuring smile which can be near impossible when you've got butterflies fluttering through your entire body. He wasn't convinced.

"So, six months then?" I nodded and tried standing up. An epic fail. Before I could fall Ichigo caught me, one arm on my waist the other behind my back. My heart rate increased.

"Look, can I at least take you to the infirmary?" I didn't know what to say. Hell, I barely heard him. I was totally transfixed. Kurosaki Ichigo, the love of my life, was speaking to me. He was holding me. He was offering to spend more time with me.

"Uhm, no that's not necessary. I'll be fine. Really. I'm used to this. I'll just walk it off." Idiot of the year award. I totally deserve one.

"Yes, it is. You're hurt and as far as I can tell your legs aren't working all that great. Please, just let me walk you to the infirmary. It's the least I can do." The least he can do? What does that mean? It's not like he kicked me or hit me. Hell, he doesn't even know who I am. What does he have to feel guilty for?

I was confused. I think I was glaring. I normally do when I'm confused. "I don't like the infirmary. And the nurse doesn't like me. She thinks I'm some delinquent because I was in there so often last year. I'm okay." He seemed to think about this for a while.

"Okay, how about this then – walk home with me." My eyes nearly popped out of my head. What the hell did that mean? He must have sensed my shock. He laughed. Not a mean laugh, just an amused laugh that warmed me to my core. Why hadn't I ever heard him laugh before? "My dad owns Kurosaki Clinic. I live next to it. Let us treat your wounds. Or just let us give you some pain meds. Please? I'll walk you home afterwards."

I could only nod, completely dazed by his kindness and concern. I hadn't been this faffed over since my mother had died two years ago. I had told her about my crush on Kurosaki Ichigo and she had smiled. She completely accepted all my faults. She had to, she was my mother. Here was the afore mentioned crush fussing about me and my well-being. He had no obligation to me, no need to treat my wounds – physical or emotional. I felt my eyes sting. Was I crying? What the hell was wrong with me?

I had lost it. There's no other explanation. I had lost whatever was left of my sanity.

Ichigo saw my tears and again I saw worry in his eyes.

"What's wrong? If you're that against it I won't force you. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to upset you." His words were laced with regret and something else. Pain? Sorrow? No way that was possible. He let go of me and turned to leave. I was still totally incapable of speech and with great horror I realized that I was sobbing. The only way I could stop him from leaving was by grabbing onto the hem of his shirt, and so I did. I didn't want him to leave. He could hate me later. He never had to speak to me again.

Right now I needed him.

"Toshiro?" He knew my name. How? Why? "What's wrong?" I collapsed. He caught me. Again. This time in a hug. I clutched the front of his shirt like a life line. His heartbeat was steady and helped calm me. He must have held me like that for at least half an hour. He rubbed soothing circles on my back and I felt myself dozing off. I knew I shouldn't fall asleep but I couldn't really help it. Before I knew it I was fast asleep in his arms.

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><p>When I woke up it was on a soft bed. I was drowsy and as I rolled over I felt bandages around my arms and my chest. How long had I been out? I vaguely remembered warm arms. A hug. Ichigo had been hugging me. How the hell had I gotten to a bed? I figured I should open my eyes and make sure where I was. I could doze off again after that.<p>

The first sight that met my eyes was an unfamiliar closet with drawings on it. Of people and sunsets and anything else I could imagine. Some of them were of people who had modeled and others were of unsuspecting passer-by's. I was fascinated. Was this Ichigo's room? I stood up and walked towards the mural. I noticed that some of them were in pen, others were coloured in. One of them was painted. It was of two little girls. They had fallen asleep when the artist had decided to paint them. They looked comfortable, at peace.

I noticed it was dark outside and the clock on the desk said it was the early hours of the morning. I decided to explore the home I was in. I stepped into the hallway and realized I was on the second floor. I headed for the stairs and when I reached the bottom I saw someone sitting on the couch. Ichigo. He was huddled over something in his lap. Intrigued, I walked towards him. What I found astounded me. Never had I ever thought I would see Kurosaki Ichigo with his nose in a book. It wasn't part of the person I thought he was.

"Morning sunshine" He smiled over his shoulder at me and my heart melted. Again. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," I replied rather hesitantly "Uhm, how did I get here?"

"Well, you fell asleep and so I brought you home since I didn't know where you lived." He chuckled. "I hope you don't mind, but I let you sleep in my room. The clinic was crowded and my dad needed all the beds he could get."

"No, I don't mind." I assured him. "So the drawings are yours?"

"Well, yeah. They suck, I know. It just makes me feel better sometimes."

I was outraged. "They don't suck! They're amazing! I wish I could draw half as good!"

He looked surprised at my outburst, I didn't blame him. It was pretty weird of me. I felt my cheeks burn up and I looked away. He laughed that warm laugh again.

"Thanks. That means a lot." A short silence followed.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, uhm, nothing." It was his turn to be embarrassed. I glared. It worked. "The Hobbit" My eyes nearly popped out of my head. Not only had he been reading, he'd been reading a real book, with substance and intellect and all.

Just then an older, more worn out version of Ichigo stepped through a door I assumed led to the clinic Ichigo had mentioned.

"Hey Dad, you ok?" The warm teen asked his older counterpart.

"Yeah, I'm okay. There's something I need your help with though." He seemed tired and drained. He'd had a long day.

"Sure, what is it?"

"There's a little kid in the waiting room. He's been crying for ages. His mom and dad were in an accident. They'll be okay but I can't get him to calm down."

"Okay, I'll be right there." Ichigo's dad left through the door he came in through as his son stood up and stretched, revealing a tiny bit of tanned skin and taut muscles.

"I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. Oh, if you want to let your parents know you're here or something you can use my phone." He threw me one more mind numbing smile and disappeared through the same door his father had.

I snuggled up on the couch where he had been sitting and picked up his book. I could see he had read through it a few times before. I called my dad but he didn't answer. I didn't think he would. I could be lying in a ditch somewhere and he'd only notice my absence when I had to do his feet. I just left a message and waited for Ichigo to come back.

It didn't take him long. About ten minutes later he walked back in with a hiccuping eight year old latched onto his pant leg. It was rather sweet, though I felt a pang of jealousy.

"Hey Toshiro, this is Makoto. He'll be here with us until his parents come to. It shouldn't take long" Ichigo reassured me. Upon closer inspection I could see that Makoto had short black hair and that he had been crying for a rather long time. His eyes were swollen and he had snot dripping from his nose.

"Hi Makoto" What else could I say?

"How about some hot chocolate?" Both Makoto and I nodded our approval of this suggestion. Ichigo chuckled before disentangling the boy on his leg and walking towards the kitchen. I heard him start the kettle and put together our drinks.

I noticed that, in Ichigo's absence, the boy was starting to become anxious again. Seemed I wasn't the only one Ichigo had that incredibly calming effect on.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Your parents will wake up soon. The doctor's took good care of them" I tried a reassuring smile and it seemed to work. The kid came and sat next to me on the couch and I felt him lean towards me. Pathetically, I patted his head. I wasn't used to this. I didn't even know what to call it.

When Ichigo came back I was still patting the kid's head. I realized he was grinning. He seemed to find my discomfort amusing.

Three mugs of steaming hot chocolate were placed on the small table in front of us and both Makoto and I reached for a cup. There were tiny bits of marshmallow floating on top. I also noticed that there were cookies on the table. The scared little boy that had been sobbing just moments before seemed to glow when he was offered one.

I must say, they were delicious. Apparently Ichigo's sister had made them. We sat on the couch for a while watching TV and chatting. I learned a lot about the love of my life. Things I had only ever hoped to know. We talked about each other's interests and he told me about his little sisters and how important they were to him. By now Makoto had curled up between us and was once again clutching at the older teen.

Eventually Ichigo's dad walked back in the room with a lady and the kid flew into her arms. She thanked Ichigo for all he had done and for calming the boy down. She looked tired too. I could see she had been crying. She left soon with the doctor and left Ichigo and I alone. By now the sun was starting to rise.

"Say, Toshiro, would you let me draw you?" He wanted to draw me? Really?

"Well, I don't know. Maybe. But how do you know my name anyways?" Hell yes he could draw me, so long as I could spend more time with him! Why wouldn't my mouth cooperate?

"Hitsugaya Toshiro, one of our grade's top students. A year younger than the other students but you still excel academically." That smile again. "I'm on the student council so I kind of have to know the basics about all the students." He looked bashful.

"Oh." Was that really all my fried brain could muster? Honestly. Pathetic.

"Ichi-Nii! Your friend isn't in bed anymore! Kyaa!" A joyful, energetic brunette came bounding down the stairs and landed flat on her face. I heard Ichigo chuckle and felt the weight in the couch shift as he stood up to go help her.

"'Moring Yuzu. He woke up a while ago. You okay?" he lifted her off the floor and she dusted herself off.

"Yeah! I'm fine. Dad's going to get off his shift soon though and I want to make him something to eat before he does. Mind helping out in the kitchen?" She spoke really fast and sounded a lot like a mother hen. Her brother just chuckled again and followed her into the kitchen.

"Hey Toshiro, come sit in the kitchen. Don't be anti-social." Karin. A girl I've played soccer with a few times.

"Oh, Karin! Morning. You know Toshiro?"

"Yeah, he helped us out when we played the seniors last week." Now that I thought about it I could see the resemblance. How had I missed it before?

"So you're an academic and you play soccer? I'm impressed." I had walked into the kitchen and the energy flowing through that house was astounding. I'd never experienced such an infectious joy before. I could only stare on as Ichigo, Karin and Yuzu prepared a breakfast for their father that seemed to befit a king.

Thirty minutes and some easy banter later their dad walked in to find the table set for five. I wondered who the fifth was for. There were only four of them. Yuzu served the food and Ichigo came to me, grabbed my hand and dragged me to a chair. I was shell-shocked. How had this happened? I ate the food placed in front of me and listened to the jokes that this family shared.

Eventually the eldest in the room announced that he would be retiring to his room as he was utterly exhausted after such a long shift. Karin left the house with a soccer ball under her arm and invited me to go play with them again. I politely declined and watched Yuzu pack away the dishes. She soon fled the room again leaving their older brother and I alone.

He smiled at me and offered to walk me home after he took a shower. I accepted his offer and so we headed for my house soon after.

I wasn't exactly excited to show him my house. It was rather run down and my father was probably home, but I showed him nonetheless. I invited him inside but he said that he had to get back home, not offering any explanation. Just before leaving he asked me about the whole drawing thing.

"Sure, anytime." I answered with a smile. He seemed to be happy with my answer and he hugged me in a crushing embrace. Not that I minded of course. I could see the beginning of a genuine friendship and I was truly overjoyed. We exchanged e-mail addresses just before he left and later that afternoon I got a message from him.

_Hey there, you busy afterschool on Monday? –Ichigo_

No, I wasn't. I went to his house again and he drew me without me even knowing. We had been watching a movie and he had done a great job of not letting me notice. He later showed me a few more of his drawings and I even saw a few of myself. Apparently I had moved before he could finish them.

Ah, yes. A truly wonderful friendship. I just had to keep my other feelings hidden for as long as possible.

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><p>First story! Please review! I'd like to know what you think. If you think it sucks, I want your opinion! If you think it's good, your opinion counts too!<p> 


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